How can you take care of yourself when you're in a relationship with a substance abuser? Many people who are in a close relationship with a substance abuser have a variety of stressful experiences, including... Sadness and/or grief at the deterioration of the relationship as the substance abuser's world becomes more drug/alcohol-focused and less family-focused; Frustration that the substance abuser does things that affect the whole family without thinking about other people's well being Loss of identity as you become more and more involved in cleaning up the messes that the substance abuser makes (e.g., calling in sick for them, lying for them, etc.) Low self esteem as you receive verbal and nonverbal messages that say "you don't matter to me anymore" from the substance abuser (e.g., lack of affection,  insults, ignoring you, and so on) Fear about being without the person and/or what they might do if you're not around to take care of them or rescue them from themselves Confusion at the crazy-making logic and "rules" that the substance abuser may try to impose on you and the rest of the family. For example, many times substance abusers say "there's no problem" but they are deeply ashamed and fearful, and say "don't tell anyone about this!" Shame and embarassment at having a family member or spouse who does unpredictable, unwise things and then promptly forgets about them the next day. Fear that this reflects badly on you for being affiliated with the substance abuser. If you're having trouble with any of these emotions, please know that you don't have to go through it alone. In addition to community support groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Al-Ateen, CoDA and ACA, you can find help in professional settings with people who are experienced and compassionate. I've talked to many family members or lovers of substance abusers who think that it's only the substance abuser who needs help. Yet substance abuse and chemical dependency are family issues that affect everyone. Everyone in the relationship deserves and needs help. Otherwise it can be like riding a roller coaster without being strapped in -- pretty scary and unpleasant!!! I have worked with many family members of substance abusers in various settings, including drug and alcohol programs and my private practice. I work with children and adolescents whose parents are addicted as well. Please let me help you reclaim your life from the clutches of substance abuse and substance abusers, and make it a healthier, more peaceful existence. My number is 661-233-6771.