Small wins: Why celebrating tiny victories helps with depression recovery

When you're trying to recover from depression, even small tasks feel heavy and difficult.

Depression can make it hard for you to do things that you used to take for granted, such as taking a shower, folding the laundry, or cooking a meal. Major Depressive Disorder is the extreme end of the spectrum, wherein you have a month or more of low motivation, fatigue, and you just don’t care at a certain point. You might also have all-or-nothing thinking, which is a form of distorted thinking that has you thinking in extremes. For example, you must be performing at a perfect level or you’re a worthless failure (in your mind). It’s hard to see the gray area when you’re depressed, but seeing incremental success in your activities is a successful way to climb out of depression. This post explains how small successes help you feel confident, competent, and can lead you gradually out of a depressive episode.

Depressive symptoms dampen your motivation to do things.

One of the cardinal features of depression is not caring or being interested in activities that you usually find pleasurable. You might feel like sleeping all the time, or scrolling on your phone, because it’s easier and takes less energy than doing something that will benefit you in the long term.

Your concentration may also be poor, and things like reading or listening to an audio book might seem frustrating because you can’t keep track of what’s happening in the book. Your memory can also be impaired while depressed, which could make you feel unintelligent. Together, the anhedonia, poor memory, and lack of concentration might make you feel inferior or broken, which could lead to negative self-talk. This keeps the lack of motivation (and activity) going.

If there are tasks that aren’t pleasant, but important nonetheless, you might also feel guilty or frustrated by not doing them. For example, many of my clients have delayed turning in their income taxes after becoming depressed or experiencing grief after a major loss. You might know that the deadline for turning in that project or those taxes is looming, but you just can’t get the energy up to do it. This might lead to anxiety and worry.

Do one small thing, even if your inner critic says it’s not enough.

You might long for a sudden burst of energy to accomplish the things you want. There may be a fantasy that one day you wake up and you suddenly have the energy, motivation, and stamina to accomplish all your goals. In my experience, depression doesn’t descend suddenly and it also goes away gradually. Of course, a traumatic event or sudden loss can bring about a dramatic mood change, but most depression that isn’t tied to a specific event doesn’t occur that way.

For that reason, you need a series of small wins to show you that you’re not the broken person you’ve told yourself you are. Something as simple as taking a shower if you haven’t bathed in a few days can be a win, or brushing your teeth. Depending on how depressed you are, you might have to start very small and build up your successes.

Starting small looks like…

I suggest that if you’re depressed, you write down the things you need and want to do. Have a column for things that are basic, non-negotiable duties, like personal hygiene, going to work or school, doing homework, household chores, or pet care. Another column is for things that are important to you for enjoying life, but they don’t impact your life as severely if you don’t do them. Think of what you’d be doing if you didn’t feel so crummy.

Look at the list and if the task or activity is complex, like it has more than one step, break it down into smaller steps. Choose one item and do the first step of it, if it isn’t as simple as “eat a banana.” Pause after you do that step. See how you feel, and if you might be willing to do the next step. If so, and you have some momentum going, try the next step. If you really can’t do the next step, be kind and compassionate to yourself and stop there.

Even doing small things like folding laundry can feel like a victory when you're depressed.

Negative self-talk can kill motivation and depression recovery, so nip it in the bud!

You might look at this suggestion and say, “that’s dumb” or “that’s so little, it doesn’t matter.” It does matter, because you are doing something. Depression likes to seduce you into doing nothing and convince you that you can’t do things or that they’re pointless. Depressed thinking likes to make you feel worthless no matter what you do, and criticize you mercilessly for whatever you try to do. It’s hard to resist doing this, even though it’s harmful and cruel to yourself. It doesn’t feel good to berate yourself. But every time you do something, however small, you’re proving that negative internal voice wrong.

Keep track of the small successes you do over time. I know paper calendars are old-fashioned, but they can be a good way of recording your activities. At the end of the week, look at the steps you’re taking and congratulate yourself on whatever you did. Keep the momentum going by telling the internal critic, “I hear what you’re saying, but right now that’s not helpful.”

Do you need help with creating small victories for depression recovery?

If you’re reading this and saying, “I’d love to start this, but I need some support,” Solution Focused Brief Therapy can help you get started and give you the support you need. Give me a call or click the button below to get started on your depression recovery journey now!

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