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Couples Therapy

Are you and your partner stuck in the same arguments again and again? Do you find it hard to understand each other when emotions run high? Maybe you feel powerless to stop yourself from reacting in ways that seem irrational once you're triggered. Often, these patterns stem from unmet childhood needs for closeness that are being reactivated in your relationship. As a result, you may fall back on behaviors that once helped you survive emotionally, but now create distance instead of connection. Couples counseling that focuses on healing childhood attachment wounds can help you build healthier ways to cope and resolve conflict. With this support, you can grow closer to your partner and truly enjoy being together.

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What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFTC)?

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFTC) helps partners renew their emotional and physical bond by focusing on attachment needs. Based on attachment theory, EFTC addresses how unmet needs for closeness and security can trigger distress in relationships. This kind of couples therapy is very effective for trauma survivors and those with troubled childhoods.

 

Even if you know all the best communication techniques, unresolved attachment wounds can cause automatic, emotionally charged reactions that lead to repeated conflicts. It's good to know what to say when, but it's even more important to connect emotionally. A good marriage therapist can help you do that.

 

Without healing attachment wounds, couples can get stuck in dysfunctional patterns of relating. However, when you understand your emotions and see how you and your partner are struggling, you can restore connection and compassion. This leads to a stronger, healthier relationship. Your empathy for your partner grows, just as awareness of how your emotions shape your actions during stress helps you make better behavioral choices.

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Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples can be healing for both partners individually, and for the relationship as a whole.

Learn more about couples therapy and love relationships!

The Origins of EFTC

color photo of the late Dr. Susan M. Johnson

​Dr. Sue Johnson developed EFTC in the mid-1980s after extensive research into what makes relationship therapy effective. She found that when couples learned to access and express their emotions and needs more clearly, their relationships improved. She was truly a pioneer in using adult attachment theory in couples therapy.

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Instead of focusing on the content of everyday fights, Johnson helped couples uncover the underlying emotions and attachment needs that fueled their conflicts. She paid close attention to nonverbal communication and emotional reactions in the moment, guiding partners to express their feelings in a way that fostered understanding and empathy. Her approach modeled how to support each other during emotional distress, recognizing that childhood attachment patterns shape how we connect in adult relationships.

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EFTC is effective for all types of relationships, including heterosexual, LGBTQ+, polyamorous, and non-monogamous partnerships. No matter your relationship structure, understanding and healing attachment wounds can lead to greater emotional closeness. Couples therapy online can be as effective as in person, so give it a try!

Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Right for You and Your Partner?

Emotionally focused couples therapy can help if:

  • You keep having the same argument over and over.

  • One of you seeks closeness while the other withdraws.

  • You struggle to understand each other, despite trying.

  • You shut down during conflict, leaving your partner confused.

  • You panic when your partner goes silent, fearing abandonment.

  • Past trauma from childhood or previous relationships affects your interactions.

  • You say or do things you regret, causing emotional distance.

  • Both of you have threatened to leave, but deep down, you want to stay.

  • You didn’t grow up with healthy relationship examples, making it hard to navigate conflicts.

  • You’re noticing red flags you ignored early on and feel unsure about your partner’s ability to change.

  • Resentment has built up, and arguments have increased—or you’ve buried problems just to keep the peace.

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If any of this sounds familiar, you may be wondering: What do I do with all these unresolved feelings? And how can couples counseling help me?

How I can help your relationship in couples therapy online

two cats cuddling with their tails making a heart between them

There was a time when your relationship felt good—or at least good enough for you to get together. Do you remember what drew you to your partner? Does your partner remember what they were attracted to in you? You may have lost sight of that, but you can rekindle your relationship with time and care. Even if you feel disconnected or hopeless now, that connection can be rebuilt in couples counseling.

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Seeking outside help can make all the difference. When you're fighting with someone, you're too close to see how you each contribute to the conflict. You need a skilled, experienced couples therapist to observe the patterns and show you new, better ways to relate to each other.

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If you're wondering about the couples therapy cost, think about the cost of not making your relationship a priority. The cost of loneliness, isolation, or even legal issues like divorce and custody battles can be far greater than the effort of working on your relationship. You don’t have to wait until your relationship is on the verge of breakup or divorce. In fact, addressing your problems when they are manageable makes much more sense. The things you say in fights cannot be unsaid, and they tend to leave lasting hurt and resentment.

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What is couples therapy like?

Couples therapy is not just about addressing the problems. We tackle the big problems like infidelity, emotional distance, and the like, but we also cover what's going well for you. It can help to explore times when your relationship is going well – when you feel closer, have fun, and feel succeed together. I encourage you to look for the positive emotions in your relationship, as well as the ones that create storms. When you feel supported, hopeful, and secure, it becomes easier to find your way back to your partner and the relationship you both want and deserve to have.

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In our couples counseling sessions, I will:

  • Help you uncover the patterns keeping you stuck and what drives your conflicts;

  • Observe how you interact and gently guide you toward more understanding and connection;

  • Teach you to recognize and repair negative cycles that push you apart;

  • Encourage empathy and respectful communication

  • Help you see both your perspective and your partner’s viewpoint;

  • Support you in making lasting changes, so conflicts become easier to navigate.

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As you break negative cycles and strengthen emotional bonds, you’ll find healthier, more flexible ways to handle conflict—leading to a more fulfilling and lasting relationship. Whether it's marriage counseling or relationship counseling for nontraditional partnerships, your relationship can benefit from this type of support.

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You deserve to feel connected, secure, and at peace with your partner. If you're ready to take the next step towards understanding your emotions and your partner’s needs and feelings, I look forward to hearing from you. Please call me or click the button below to get started.

Online Couples Therapy in Lancaster, CA

Lisa S. Larsen, Psy.D.(she/her/hers)

3123 W Ave L 8, Lancaster, CA 93536

+16612336771​​

 

Business Hours: Tues-Fri., 10 AM-7 PM​

 

No In-person sessions offered at this address.

 

​Appointments can be made by calling the office or submitting the contact form. Thank you, and I look forward to speaking with you soon!

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