How to Respond to Learning About Your Teen’s Sexual Abuse

If your adolescent reveals that they've been sexually abused, they're counting on you to respond with concern, care and protection. It's about them.

It’s every parent’s nightmare — that someone could harm or violate their child. Sadly, sexual abuse of minors is more common than you may realize.

If your tween or teen discloses that they’ve been sexually abused, it’s a sensitive and pivotal moment. Your response can either build trust or cause lasting damage. This post offers practical guidance on how to respond — and what to avoid — during this critical time.

How Common Is Sexual Abuse of Adolescents?

While most research focuses on younger children, adolescent sexual abuse is alarmingly prevalent. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 66% of sexual abuse victims are between 12 and 17. African American and Latinx girls are more often sexually abused than Caucasian girls, and LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to be sexually harassed than straight and cisgender kids. Physically disabled kids are also at higher risk for sexual abuse.

The Rape and Incest National Network (RAINN) reports that 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys under 18 experience sexual abuse, assault, or rape. Girls aged 16 to 19 are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted than the general population.

Perpetrators are often people the teen knows — dating partners, relatives, or acquaintances — and are more likely to be male. Abuse can happen anywhere: at home, school, or in the neighborhood. Sadly, early trauma increases the risk of being re-victimized in adulthood. “Stranger danger” simply isn’t enough.

How Does Sexual Abuse Affect Teens?

Sexual abuse can lead to both visible and invisible symptoms. Warning signs may include:

• Difficulty sitting or walking

• Frequent genital infections

• Academic struggles or poor concentration

• Irritability, withdrawal, or fear of touch

• Acting out sexually or running away

• Angry outbursts

• Overprotectiveness of younger siblings.

These behaviors may indicate trauma. Left unaddressed, the psychological effects can be serious.

Teens who experience sexual abuse are:

• 4x more likely to develop PTSD or substance abuse issues

• 3x more likely to experience major depression

• At increased risk for anxiety, eating disorders, low self-esteem, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Supportive caregiving and professional help can make a vital difference.

Your teen may retreat from physical or emotional contact with you after being sexually abused.

How to Respond If Your Teen Discloses Sexual Abuse

Hearing your teen has been abused is shocking. You may feel disbelief, anger, or confusion — especially if the abuser is someone close to your family.

Avoid minimizing or denying their experience. Dismissing it as “attention-seeking” or “exaggeration” can do serious harm and break trust. On the other hand, overreacting with threats of violence can frighten your teen and make it harder for them to open up.

If you’re overwhelmed, please seek your own therapy. Your child needs calm, safety, and protection — not guilt or rage. This moment is about them — their pain, their safety, and their healing.

What to Do If Your Teen Discloses Sexual Abuse

• Stay calm and listen. Avoid judgment or interrogation. Let them lead the conversation.

• Reassure them. Affirm that they were right to tell you and are not to blame.

• Seek medical care. Even without visible injuries, schedule an exam with a doctor.

• Report the abuse. Contact your local child protective services or police, depending on where the abuse occurred. In L.A. County, that’s the Department of Children and Family Services.

• Find professional help. Explain that therapy is a safe space where trust builds slowly. Reassure them they can bring you, or share only what they’re comfortable with. Respect their pace.

What Not to Do

• Don’t dismiss or downplay what they tell you.

• Don't be judgmental of them or their reaction.

• Don’t blame them by suggesting they were at fault or “asked for it.”

• Don’t share their story without consent. Protect their privacy, even from close friends or family.

• Don’t process your emotions with them. That’s for a trusted therapist or support group — not your teen.

The Next Right Step in Responding to Teen Sexual Abuse

Has your teenager shared that they were sexually abused? If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. With over 22 years of experience providing therapy for teens, I’ve seen how effective teen therapy can be in helping them heal and regain trust. Please call me at 661-233-6771 or click below to explore whether I may be the right fit to help your teen move forward.

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