12 Signs of Insecurity

Sometimes you don’t realize that you’re insecure until you’re interacting with other people. Or maybe you are only insecure with romantic partners, or people in positions of authority like your boss or college professors. If you grew up with critical parents or people who devalued you, this might have made you insecure as a child or adolescent. Unfortunately, your insecurity might be sending signals to others that are louder than you realize. This post outlines some of the most common signs of insecurity and how they might complicate your life.

Fawning might be a sign of insecurity.

Constantly Apologizing: If you had very harsh, critical parents growing up, you may not realize that one sincere apology is all that is necessary in most situations. Constant apologizing suggests that you feel inordinately guilty or inferior to others. Your behavior may come across as apologizing for taking up space or existing at all.

Minimizing Your Achievements: humility is admirable, but false humility does not usually impress others. Minimizing your own achievements can signify discomfort with receiving compliments. Maybe you believe that if others see your talents or achievements, people will criticize you or try to take you down. This might also be coming from imposter syndrome.

Deflecting Praise onto Others: Is it hard to take a compliment? As a frequent giver of compliments, I can tell you how frustrating it is to give insecure people a compliment. You may not be able take appropriate credit or receive kind words because caregivers or authority figures told you not to get a big head, or that being humble is a virtue. You can take a compliment with graciousness while still being humble, however.

This is the opposite of overcompensating or bragging. It shows insecurity in owning what is good in you. Perhaps others have been jealous and treated you poorly as a result. Sadly, it means that you can’t enjoy praise and the natural boost to self-esteem that can come from it. It’s healthy to not over-rely on praise, but accepting it can be nice for the giver and receiver of the compliment.

Being Overly Agreeable: people who do this are generally afraid of rejection or conflict. Instead of stating their opinions and taking the risk that others will disagree with them, youhedged their bets and come across as bland and uninteresting. It’s understandable to want to avoid causing undue disagreement or controversy, but this behavior can also indicate a lack of boundaries and leave a person vulnerable for exploitation.

Talking too much can also be a sign of insecurity.

Over-Explaining Yourself: You might not believe that other people are listening to you, or may have had the experience of others doubting or discrediting you. Therefore, you might develop a habit of justifying your position or opinion, expecting others to disbelieve you yet again. The sad result is that others might tune you out or disregard you anyway; this is the very thing you’re trying to avoid by overexplaining.

Hiding Behind Humor: like being overly agreeable, a person who hides behind humor is afraid to commit to a serious position. I suspect the motives would be similar – to not stir controversy or expose yourself to rejection. Hiding behind humor can also allow you to insult others, with the excuse that “it’s only a joke.” Secure people can state their opinions clearly and feel confident enough to have people disagree with them. You can also express their dissatisfaction with another person directly, without masking it with humor.

Fishing for Reassurance: this is common when you want or need admiration from others. It might be a way to seek feedback about whether your behavior is appropriate as well. You might insult your own attributes in the hopes that others will rescue you, like, “does this dress make me look fat?” Secure people have enough confidence to allow people to compliment them or not. You don’t need to maneuver other people into reassuring you.

Overcompensating with Bragging: this behavior can be a sign of immaturity, if your caregivers never taught you humility and respect. It can also mean that you don’t believe your achievements speak for themselves. Perhaps you feel the need for undue attention for your achievements or personhood, and may also think you have to be better than everyone else to be worthy at all.

Social awkwardness signals insecurity.

Making too much eye contact: this behavior can be positive if it shows interest or interpersonal closeness, but it can also show a desire to intimidate other people or control them. Secure people do not need to establish dominance or aggression towards other people, and do not see others as a threat that needs subduing. Then again, your eye contact may be from social awkwardness. You may have not learned an appropriate amount of my contact growing up.

Nervous Body Language: Twitching, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, and squirming can demonstrate social anxiety or discomfort being amongst other people. This might be especially true when you don’t know anyone very well (like at a party or other gathering). Your body might betray how uncomfortable and nervous you are.

Laughing When You're Uncomfortable: this can be a nervous habit or a sign of discomfort with silence. You might feel anxious about what to say or do. When your laughter doesn’t match the situation or context, likes laughing in a serious or grave situation, others might consider it rude or confusing. Instead, it’s more likely a coping mechanism when you’re unsure how to act.

Avoiding Speaking Up: this can show a lack of confidence, especially in the workplace or at school. Even if you know the right answer to a question or need to set a limit with someone else, you might feel frightened of the consequences you think will happen if you do speak up. Instead, you can develop assertiveness to demonstrate what you know and show your self-worth.

If these behaviors sound familiar, don’t despair. Behaviors, self-esteem, and mood are all capable of improvement. Anxiety therapy can help you do that. Please call me at 661-233-6771 or click the button below to find out more.