Coming Out with Confidence

Coming out can take many forms. Photo by Eduoardo Frezet

You might be nervous about coming out and wonder about coming out.

If you recently decided to share your gender identity or sexual orientation with friends, family and coworkers, you might be nervous about how you will be received and wonder how to come out. It seems that a lot of the reception you'll get is out of your hands and dependent on the attitudes and openness of the people with whom you're sharing your big news.

People who are politically conservative and highly religious are not known for being accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals and may give you either a chilly reception or exhibit disrespect. Nonetheless, you might have family members who fit that description. How do you navigate sharing this important aspect of your life with them, or do you keep the information from the out of fear of rejection?

Coming out to conservative parents and family members can be a challenging and emotionally charged process. You might want to approach this conversation with empathy, understanding, and a focus on maintaining open lines of communication.

What to keep in mind when you want to come out

Here are some steps to consider:

Before coming out to others, ensure that you have fully accepted and understood your own identity and feelings.

This self-acceptance will provide you with the confidence and clarity you need when talking to your family. This is especially true if you anticipate arguments and discord. If you feel solid and whole within yourself, you will feel less rattled by the other person's reactivity.

Realize that whatever reaction you get, it is not your responsibility to change who you are to make other people comfortable.

The other person might imply that you are trying to hurt them by being your authentic self. Nothing could be further from the truth; you are sharing this with them as an act of love for yourself and them.

Choose the right time and place for coming out.

Select a comfortable and private setting where you can have an open and honest conversation without interruptions. Choose a time when everyone is relatively relaxed and can engage in a calm discussion.

1. Be Informed: Be prepared to explain your identity and feelings. Understand the terms and concepts related to your identity and be ready to answer questions or provide resources if needed.

2. Start with Education: Begin the conversation by helping your family understand your perspective. Share personal experiences, books, articles, or documentaries that can help them better understand your identity.

3. Express Your Emotions: Let your family know how you feel and why it is important to you that they understand and support your identity. Use "I" statements to express your feelings, such as "I have felt this way for a long time," or "I hope you can support me in this journey."

4. Be Patient: Understand that it might take some time for your family to process this information. They may react with surprise, confusion, or even resistance. Give them time to come to terms with the news.

5. Set Boundaries: Be clear about your boundaries and expectations for how you wish to be treated and addressed. This can help avoid misunderstandings in the future.

6. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or LGBTQ+ organizations for guidance and emotional support throughout the process.

7. Professional Help: If the conversation becomes highly charged, and your family is not receptive to your identity, consider involving a therapist or counselor to mediate the discussion.

8. Stay Safe: If you fear for your safety or well-being, ensure that you have a support system in place, and consider involving local LGBTQ+ support organizations or authorities if necessary.

Remember that coming out can be a lifelong process, and it may take time for your family to fully come to terms with your identity. Be patient and hopeful, and maintain open lines of communication, even if the initial reaction is not as positive as you'd like. Your family may eventually come to accept and support you. You can also find a family of choice, made of people who are nurturing, supportive and affirming but not necessarily related to you by blood.

If you'd like help navigating the coming out process and need support, please call 661-233-6771.