What is the Window of Tolerance?

Are you inside or outside your window of tolerance?

Have you ever noticed that when something happens in your life, your reaction to it is different from others? Maybe you get anxious and flooded with big emotions, whereas other people don’t seem to get as upset. Conversely, you might react in a very blasé, numb way, and others don’t get why you are so calm or emotionally detached in that situation. Do you wonder why you respond to different events with varying levels of emotional intensity, and physical reactivity? The window of tolerance, a term that was developed by psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, MD, might help you understand more about this.

The Window of tolerance is an optimal range for responsiveness to internal and external events. It’s how much stimulation you can handle without getting emotionally overwhelmed or underwhelmed. For example, have you been at a birthday party and felt overhwlemed, like you were about to crawl out of your skin? Even though it’s a happy event with a friendly, non-threatening vibe, your body and mind are responding as though it’s too much and potentially dangerous. You know in your head that you’re not endangered, but your body and mind are over-activated and hyper-aroused.

Or maybe you’re at that same party and everyone is happy to see you, patting you on the back and smiling, trying to engage you in a conversation. But all you feel is flat, trying to muster a smile and feign happiness. Inside you feel empty and blank. What accounts for this? Your body and mind are likely hypo-aroused. The overwhelming feeling looks different for you, because it’s more subtle than hyperarousal, but you’re definitely outside your window of tolerance here too.

What is inside the Window of tolerance?

We need a certain amount of stress in our lives to respond to things that are happening. If you didn’t have any stress, you might not seek food, shelter, go to work or school, or get out of bed in the morning. You need enough stress to move you towards achieving desired goals and surviving. Your body releases certain chemicals, like cortisol and ACTH, to get you to respond to your needs. Thank goodness you have some stress in your life!

Normally, when a new thing happens (congratulations! You just got married or pregnant!), you acknowledge what happened, and assess whether it’s a positive or negative thing. You evaluate whether you can handle it, and if you can’t do it alone, whether you need help.

This determines how much energy or oomph you need to mobilize to respond to the event. Your body responds by getting the internal motor running, and you mobilize to respond to the event. That could look like planning a wedding, fixing a leaky faucet, reaching out to a sick relative or friend, etc. As you resolve the event, you return to homeostasis, or the ability to restore your energy for the next change. With chronic stress, however, your ability to do this dwindles.

Sometimes there are so many stressors that compete in your life that you have trouble managing stress, prioritizing what to take care of and when. Alternatively, you might encounter a stress that is so big (like losing a loved one or being physically or sexually assaulted), that your usual response is not sufficient and you are pushed out of your window of tolerance. Then you might become emotionally dysregulated (you don’t know what to do with your emotional responses) or hyper- or hypo-aroused.

What helps you stay inside the window of tolerance?

Activities that help you regulate your nervous system can help you stay inside the window of tolerance. For example, engaging in your favorite hobbies, listening to music, talking to supportive friends and family all help you feel engaged with the outside world while still in a good level of nervous system arousal.

Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally can also keep you in the window of tolerance. So can being mindfully focused on your inner world, reflection and journaling, grounding activities, and intentional movement. Practices like yoga, breathwork, Tai Chi, and Qigong all bring the mind and body together.

By contrast, there are also factors that can push you outside the window of tolerance, including:

·         Poor sleep;

·         Traumatic exposure;

·         Too much stress or pressure from within or without (e.g., to perform);

·         Eating poorly or not enough;

·         Physical illness and/or pain;

·         Social rejection;

·         Anxiety;

·         Losing someone or something important to you; and

·         Lack of social support/isolation.

It’s important to note that not everyone responds to stressors the same way. Many factors influence how you handle stress, including culture, genetics, cognitive abilities, and things in your environment that help you respond to change more or less resiliently. Your ability to be in the window of tolerance changes with different circumstances, but you can develop skills and practices that keep you within the window of tolerance more often.

Do you want to explore your window of tolerance and stay within it more often?

Maybe you recognize that it’s challenging to be within the window of tolerance these days. You get overwhelmed easily, or you feel numb and unresponsive to life – even the positive changes that happen. If you’re ready to address this, I offer tools to help you recognize when you’re within or outside your window of tolerance, including Somatic Stress Release™, which helps mobilize stuck or trapped energy so you’re not holding it in your body. If you’d like to learn more, please call me or click the button below.

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