How Couples Therapy Helps you Release Resentment in Relationships
- Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD
- Jun 29
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 30
Do you and your partner keep fighting about the same things without resolution? Are you still bitter about something that happened months or years ago? If past conflicts keep resurfacing during new arguments, resentment may be eroding your connection.
This post explores how resentment develops in relationships—and how couples therapy can help you move forward.
What Is Resentment in Relationships?
Resentment is the lingering anger, disappointment, or bitterness that comes from unresolved conflict or unmet needs. It can show up as sarcasm, emotional withdrawal, or intense arguments. Over time, resentment distorts your view of your partner and can cause you to forget why you came together in the first place.
Why Resentment Builds
Resentment often stems from:
Poor communication
Imbalanced effort or responsibility
Emotional or physical disconnection
Broken trust or infidelity
Unspoken expectations or power struggles.
Let’s look more closely at some of these dynamics.
Poor Communication Patterns that lead to Resentment
Many couples fall into habits that create emotional distance. These include:
Making negative assumptions about your partner’s intentions
Avoiding difficult conversations
Withdrawing emotionally
Blaming each other instead of sharing responsibility
Not taking breaks during heated arguments
People with trauma histories may be especially prone to making assumptions, seeing others through a lens of betrayal or abandonment. In emotionally focused couples therapy, partners learn to check their assumptions, express their feelings more clearly, and create space for honest dialogue.
Avoidance Leads to Disconnection
Some people avoid conflict because it feels unsafe or overwhelming. Maybe arguments were volatile or traumatic in your family of origin, so you learned to shut down when emotions rise.
Others avoid accountability altogether, hoping that problems will be forgotten if left unspoken. But silence breeds resentment, mistrust, and emotional distance.
Emotionally Focused couples therapy can help partners address uncomfortable issues safely, teaching that conflict can be a tool for growth—not a threat to the relationship.
The Erosion of Intimacy
It’s normal for excitement to fade as relationships move beyond the early stages. Work, family, stress, and routine can all take a toll on emotional and physical intimacy.
Therapy can help couples rebuild that connection by fostering emotional security. Paradoxically, the more emotionally safe you feel with your partner, the more room there is for playfulness, passion, and vulnerability.
Emotional Withdrawal and Attachment Issues
Chronic emotional withdrawal often stems from insecure attachment styles. If you fear closeness or vulnerability, you may sabotage intimacy just when your partner needs connection.
Couples therapy can help both partners explore these patterns and communicate more openly about their needs and fears—without shame or blame.
The blame game blocks growth
Blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong may feel protective in the moment, but it creates resentment over time. It’s difficult to grow as a couple when one person refuses to take responsibility.
If you grew up around people who avoided accountability, this habit may feel familiar—even automatic. But healthy relationships require mutual ownership. Couples therapy provides a safe environment to practice accountability, repair ruptures, and build empathy.
Betrayal and Broken Agreements
Trust can be damaged not only by romantic infidelity, but also by financial dishonesty, secrecy, or repeated boundary violations. When agreements are broken, the injured partner may feel angry, disrespected, and uncertain about the future.
The partner who broke the agreement may feel guilty or frustrated that it keeps coming up. Without repair, both sides may harden into resentment.
Therapy can help rebuild trust through transparency, accountability, and the creation of new agreements that honor both partners’ values and boundaries.
The Importance of Taking a Break
Unmanaged conflict can spiral quickly—especially when emotions run high. Some couples fall into the trap of pushing an argument until one partner explodes or shuts down. For those with trauma histories or mood instability, it can be especially hard to regulate emotions during conflict.
Therapy teaches couples how to recognize their triggers, pause when needed, and return to the conversation with a calmer, more constructive approach. This skill alone can dramatically reduce resentment and increase mutual respect.
Are You Ready to Let Go of Resentment in Your Relationship?
If you see your relationship in any of these patterns, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck. Couples therapy can help you understand each other more deeply, take responsibility without shame, and learn to communicate in ways that rebuild trust.
When resentment is addressed with care and accountability, many couples find they not only heal—but grow stronger than before. If you're ready to take the next step, call 661-233-6771 or click below to learn more about how couples therapy can help.
