How to handle disrespectful people
We've all run into people who, for whatever reason, may not be respectful of us. Depending on how assertiveness was modeled for us, we might respond in different ways. If you were abused, neglected, or emotionally mistreated, you might feel the temptation to allow the person to disrespect you. This is a survival strategy you learned in childhood, but it doesn't always pay off.
In fact, when someone is bullying you or disrespecting you, it might signal to that person that they can continue treating you disrespectfully. This can wear on your self-esteem and lead to negative mental health symptoms eventually.
Alternatively, you might have learned that fighting back is the right way to go and might be overly aggressive in response to others' disrespect. This might get you in trouble with people at work or in your community.
You might find it hard to make and maintain healthy relationships with loved ones or friends. There's a saying that goes, "When all you have is a hammer, you just see nails." Whatever tool you learned in childhood to survive your environment might determine how you handle these situations. That tool may well have been very effective at helping you survive childhood or adolescence. However, now it might make you fearful, aggressive, or cause you to people please.
I want you to have flexibility in how you handle different situations. This post can help you cope better with disrespectful behaviors.
Assertiveness helps handle disrespectful people
In the moment that you're being disrespected, you might be shocked and not know what to say. It helps to take a moment to collect your thoughts and regulate your nervous system. Taking a few deep breaths can prepare you for what comes next.
It might also be tempting to tell the person they're being rude or a jerk in more colorful language than what I'm presenting. You may feel the urge to raise your tone of voice and get aggressive back. This sometimes backfires, especially if the person is trying to provoke you and make you look bad.
It can help to name the behavior and what you want differently. Speak in a firm voice and avoid insults. For example, you can say, "You have cut me off several times now. I'd like you to let me finish." You are reclaiming your space without getting angry back and losing your composure. You're also naming the pattern that you don't like.
Let's say the person is using a very disrespectful tone of voice. You can let them know, "I won't continue if this tone keeps up." You can also let the person know that you are not there to be disrespected.
If you're at work, you can ask the person to remember where you both are and the roles you have. For example, you can say, "Let's keep this professional." That shifts your consciousness back to the norms and mutual respect expected of a workplace environment.
What if you're not at work? How to handle disrespectful people in personal settings
Maybe you have a relative or acquaintance who likes to argue with you. You might not enjoy it, but they like riling you up and getting people emotionally dysregulated. Often, those people are not well regulated themselves and feel more comfortable when things are chaotic and unruly. It can be hard to handle disrespectful people when you need to or want to maintain a relationship. How do you assert yourself while not being alienated from others?
Such a person might attack you personally or call you insulting names for your opinion. Here are a few things you can say to them:
Let's stick to the issue instead of attacking each other personally
We can disagree without being disrespectful to each other
I've listened to your side. This is how I see this situation
There may be a misunderstanding between you, in which case you can ask them to clarify what they meant before reacting. You can usually tell when someone wants to have a healthy debate versus sort you out and categorize you a certain way.
It's important to realize that that person may feel threatened by anyone who doesn't agree with them or is different. That doesn't mean they get to be disrespectful. It does, however, help you contextualize their disrespectful behavior.
If the person still will not behave in a respectful manner, you can warn them that they're crossing a line and let them know, "If this continues, I'll have to walk away." That gives the person a clear consequence and shows them that you will not be treated rudely or inappropriately.
If you run into people like this on a regular basis, you may find it jarring and upsetting. Hopefully, you can use some of these tools to reclaim your space and have more peace of mind. However, if it is making you feel anxious or depressed, anxiety therapy might help you become more assertive and send a clear message to the bullies in your life. I'd be happy to help you. Please call me or click the button below to schedule a 15-minute free consultation.
